


The Sun In Her Eyes

by VulpusTumultum



Series: The Sun In Her Eyes [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mage Rights, Protective Siblings, Rite of Tranquility, follows standard DAI timeline mostly, fuck the chantry, mage circles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-31 13:23:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3979588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulpusTumultum/pseuds/VulpusTumultum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Astera Trevelyan has a twist made to her faith as well as fate when she becomes the Herald of Andraste, and finds the issues she'd tried to leave behind when she became a black sheep of her family are catching up to her, tangled irrevocably into the larger problems Thedas faces. </p><p>It leaves her somewhat on a knife edge, trying to find answers to both the personal and Thedas-wide problems without being overwhelmed. The balance also brings dangerous goals and convictions she'd never dared to acknowledge before, even to herself, out into the open, and she has to balance her growing Idealism with the compromises and decisions that are needed for a movement like the Inquisition to survive and succeed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pre-Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astera finds herself being called the Herald of Andraste and a hero- but not by everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [For those who want to see what Astera looked like in game, this links to a screenshot (she was blinking ofc ).](http://bakafox.com/dastuff/Trev1.jpg)

Astera Trevelyan's first surprise, in a way, was that she was waking up at all- closing all the rifts just to get to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, then that final rift, which would have been the hardest of them all even if not already exhausted from _everything_ that had happened before it, (including fighting the largest, most terrifying demon she had ever seen) when her vision had started to tunnel out to darkness she'd truly thought, in a hazy sort of way, that she was dying.

Her second shock was there being an elven servant in the rather cozy little room, cleaning up- who just about collapsed into a panicked reverence when Astera sat up and spoke. Not only was it a shock, it was unsettling, and she really, _really_ didn't want anyone doing that sort of thing to her. Which made all the salutes, stares, bows, and even near genuflections as she headed for the Chantry have a wind up effect on her.

Quite frankly, Roderick would have been a _relief_ with his continued demanding that the Inquisition hand her over in chains, if it weren't for her third shock of the day:

Which was the young, ice-eyed Templar with brown skin, black hair, and familiar features lurking beside the Chancellor, clearly agreeing with what he was saying, even if he was keeping his mouth shut. It had been a long time, and she wasn't _entirely_ sure at first. When she did come to the full conclusion as to who he was, she almost interrupted the argument herself with a startled 'What are you _doing_ here?'

The flat look he gave her, just barely short of hostile, brought her up short, leaving all the argument to the Seeker, Spymaster, and even Knight-Commander. It was one thing in the abstract to know that even your own parents would see you as a possible murderous villain and heretic, until or unless they saw political advantage in saying otherwise. It was another to see one of your little brothers believing the 'murderous heretic bits' within five feet of you.

_Not that we've seen each other for over a decade. We probably barely count as family when you get down to it. And he likely gets regular letters from home, whereas I stopped even trying. So... fair enough. Neither of us are kids, he doesn't know me, and I don't know anything about him, other than he seems to think I should be taken to Val Royeaux in chains. Adult, full Templar, and a long way from a little brother I had to constantly stop from jumping into every fountain or fishpond he saw._

She watched in continued silence as he left as soon as Roderick did, without any sort of greeting to her, and caught herself exhaling a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

“So, has Ser Trevelyan there been here in Haven the entire time too?” she finally asked as the door to the meeting room shut a little more forcefully than was necessary behind him.

Cullen gave her an apologetic look, “Yes, though he was not one of those to find you, he was the first to identify you, even tentatively, while you were still unconscious.”

“Been a while, surprised he did recognize me,” she shook her head, trying to shake off further conversation or even feelings about this development. _Didn't see any signs of rank, so at worst he basically can complain and gossip with fellow Templars around the place. With luck, I've not been mentioned in many of the letters he gets from home, however many he gets. Or maybe he won't actually talk about how our parents, aunts, and uncles feel about me, because that's private Trevelyan business._

“I'm not sure if he really thinks you murdered the Divine, if it helps. I believe he's more concerned about the Inquisition as a whole now, and how some people are convinced you were saved by Andraste herself. They're calling you Her Herald.”

“I'm not sure that helps, especially since _I_ am concerned about being called that,” she sighed, “I am fairly sure if I saw Her, that would be something I remembered a lot more clearly- but.. I'm more concerned about how much more involvement I have with you, since the Breach still _exists_ and I'm guessing so do a lot more rifts, with demons. So- is there a meeting about that to get on with?”

“Of course, Herald-”

“...Please _don't_. I'd rather you go back to _You_ , and would certainly prefer Trevelyan, Sister if a title is absolutely needed, for all that I don't think that's terribly fitting anymore either, or even Astera.”

The Knight-Commander looked awkward and a little embarrassed, but the Seeker stepped in, “There are rifts, and other problems, that the Inquisition must deal with, yes. And you have the mark with which to deal with the rifts, you are _needed_ by us, and on our council, Lady Trevelyan.”

She felt just as strange being called _Lady,_ but it was technically true unless she was disowned, and not nearly as distracting from what needed to be done.

“I am in, for now. I _have_ to be,” she admitted, “As you say, whatever this mark on my hand is, it has to be used- and there has to be order restored. I suspect we aren't going to agree on everything in the future, but for now I agree that I have to close rifts, we have to kill the demons, and find a way to close the Breach completely, among other things. So, what do we do next, aside from ignore the Chancellor?”

**-0-**

Unfortunately, making rounds of Haven after, while preparations were made to send scouts and then herself and, well, likely Cassandra, Varric, and Solas to the Hinterlands, she couldn't ignore her brother.

Not that she entirely _wanted_ to ignore him- for all her problems with their parents, she'd had no reason to really think of her siblings with anything but actual affection, even for the ones who'd been pains in her ass. Wistful affection for those who had really been just babies or toddlers when she'd left, since she never got to really know them at _all_ aside from helping clean them up or clean up after them.

Unfortunately, her second impression of Seanis was a childish, frustrated thought that he was going to be more of a pain in her ass now than she'd thought of him when they were both younger. It wasn't that he sounded _too_ like their father, since he'd been away from home almost as long as she had, and yet-

“Setting yourself up as Herald of Andraste- how can even _you_ think of going along with that sort of heresy?”He had practically barged in on her conversation with Varric, only barely waiting for her to have stopped talking with the dwarf and acknowledge him by turning to face him.

Astera stiffened, and for a moment she just stared, a flush of frustrated anger and pain rushing through her. But staring at one of many faces she'd actually missed for so long, the anger washed out quickly. She sighed regretfully instead of cursing him like the soldier she'd been for a few years.

They really _were_ strangers, after all.

“I didn't set myself up as anything. I haven't had time- I woke up, was interrogated, then spent all of- yesterday?”

“It was yesterday, Herald,” the dwarf helpfully put in, using the title with just a little more cheerfulness than probably necessary, “This time you didn't stay out for three whole days, just a little over 13 hours I'd guess.”

“Fine, then, all day yesterday fighting, then sleeping, and woke up with _other people calling me that_ ,” she looked at the dwarf with a little exasperation, “I had nothing to do with it as a title, don't particularly want it.”

“So you claim, Astera, but you're still siding with this _Inquisition_ -”

“Over being put on trial for things I didn't do? Over ignoring that there's rifts spitting demons out and so far whatever this mark on my hand even _is_ ,” she held the hand up, and he actually backed away as there was a faint pulse to the green as if it was picking up her irritation, “It is the only _known thing_ as of yesterday that can close them and stop the demons from coming out. For the love of the Maker Seanis, are you seriously in favor of rifts staying open and demons running free while I sit in a Val Royeaux dungeon for months or even _years_?”

“If it weren't for your new friends muddying up the waters, it wouldn't take long- and if you truly are innocent-” he stopped, because Varric was clearly trying, and yet not very hard, to not laugh.

“Seanis- I was working _in_ the Chantry for three years as a lay sister, and if you don't believe me, ask.. well, possibly not Roderick, because he's possibly delusional as well, but ask people who know what politics are _like_. It would be months, of demons. And if you were about to say that if I'm actually innocent I'd have nothing to fear, or that they would let me out to close the rifts in the Chantry's name then I really just.. don't know what to say. Other than we'd really be up to our asses in demons, to borrow Varric's term, by the time we'd see if you were right or not. Someoneor a group of someones, killed the Divine, I have no idea what happened but I had _nothing to do_ with the crimes, and I will swear that on anything you care for me to.”

The look on his face hinted that he couldn't offhand think of anything he'd trust her oath on, and she felt like a handful of snow had been dropped right down her tunic. _What kind of person does he think I_ am _? And who's convinced him of that- the Chancellor? Our parents?_

But he didn't argue, just glared at her, and at Varric, before storming off.

“Well, it's nice to see reminders of Kirkwall that don't actually make me homesick,” the dwarf noted, “He's ah, very _Templar_ , from what I've seen. Not a real close family?”

“We're strangers, really. I left home, he got sent to Templars at about the same time.”

“Well, maybe he'll come around, Herald.”

“That'd be nice, he was a good kid, at least. By some standards, suppose now he's a good Templar.”

“Not so much yours, huh?”

She sighed, “From the what, fifteen total minutes I've seen him today? Not so much, but then, I'm biased against being imprisoned.”

“Don't know many people who aren't.”


	2. First Light/Fiona's Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astera has opinions about Lord Seeker Lucius after meeting him, and about treating mages as a monolithic danger.

Astera had actually been trying to not think too much about the free mages, especially after fighting so many who really had seemed to lose all control in the Hinterlands- but the 'rogue' Templars there had been just as bad, perhaps even worse at times, and now to her disgust they seemed so much less, well _rogue_ after meeting the Lord Seeker. If one even could call it a real _meeting_.

The cruel arrogance of the man that the Inquisition's own Seeker had at least respected once, if not entirely now- it was unnerving to think there might be a few cousins or even a sister with him, wherever he was gathering those Templars who hadn't stuck around Haven because of their respect for Cassandra and Commander Cullen. And she rather could picture him having been _fine_ with how those the Inquisition had been forced to kill were acting, towards the refugees as well as mages. He seemed the type to find it justifiable 'in case of sympathizing' or even, given the tones of his rants, 'for not having the proper respect'.

At least every bit of word they'd heard had said the Free Mages at Redcliffe had washed their hands of those who were turning into murdering bandits or blood mages in the countryside, that they didn't support such actions, condemned them even if they were afraid to leave the village in order to help fight them. And if they had, it was easy to imagine more Templars who felt as Lucius did rushing to just slaughter them all, not caring who was trying to help versus seize power, or who was or wasn't possibly being driven to it by demons.

She had no regrets about those she and her companions had had to kill in the Hinterlands to keep the refugees safe, and now she felt even more heightened relief that there had never been a familiar face amongst them, even as she wondered what route to take next. An invitation from some mage who hadn't joined the Free Mages yet was..somehow free and holding a party in Orlais was puzzling but unlikely to yield help for the Breach, nor did the cryptic set of notes that had been left as a game by someone else.

But then, at the gates out of central Val Royeaux, there was an elven mage waiting- _openly_ waiting in Circle robes, one that Cassandra identified as Grand Enchantress Fiona- the head spokeswoman for the Free Mages themselves. Unlike the mages they had fought, or even the Lord Seeker, she was composed, and willing if not suspiciously eager to talk with the Inquisition.

_She hasn't brought up family- and now of course I want to ask her if Jehrin, Sirana, or Elias are there in Redcliffe. Supposedly there are a large number of surviving free mages- enough she can't know all of them, but one of them likely would have spoken up, especially Jehrin, if they heard I was Herald. Even if none have been in contact with the family for years._

_Of course asking would imply leverage possibilities. If they were there, and she knew, she likely already would have brought it up, unless they all think I've condemned them like most of our family. But I was volunteering my services at Conclave because I hadn't- haven't- I_ wanted _to hear their side._

She had gotten a letter or two from home, a flurry of them after Kirkwall and the break up of the Circles- but a few years as a lay sister had further dampened her willingness to agree with her parents or even pretend to. She'd found it harder and harder to just believe what the Chantry's most powerful said, even the Divine herself, after all, she'd only finally agreed to become a lay sister as a last attempt at mending fences- hardly a calling to sacred duty, so of course no surprise to find others who were interested in things other than serving humbly alongside and even above her.

“I think I can agree to meeting with your people in Redcliffe and discussing this further,” she said instead of drawing out the current meeting any longer- hoping that even through the headache the Templars, Chantry mother, and message game had all left her with, she was managing to not sound _too_ eager, herself. Especially adding in the vague sense of guilt that she might also be letting a hope of seeing those siblings that were mages might be swaying her more than she should allow, even though they'd not been mentioned. She _did_ want to know if they were alive, if they were well, even if they all disliked her as much Seanis, and probably other Chantry or Templar relatives did.

**-0-**

“Herald, are you certain about meeting with those mages? Surely they should send a delegate to us, if they really are meeting in good faith now- that they never sent their actual leader to the Conclave is suspicious,” that the usually stoic Seeker seemed as troubled and wanting to worry about things as much as she did on the way from Val Royeaux to the Lady Mage's party and then later that more suspicious one would have been almost a relief, if not for, well, the side she was taking.

“It could be a trick or a trap-” Astera admitted, then sighed, “But so could anything the Lord Seeker proposes if he ever even accepts messages from us. You saw him ignore his.. lackey's actual attack on an unarmed Mother, you _heard_ him talk, you agreed he sounded like he'd gone mad somehow- that he was behaving strangely compared to the man you used to know. But you think chasing him is _safer_ than going to a meeting we were politely invited to have?”

“His.. strangeness... needs to be investigated, Herald, if nothing else, many Templars may be convinced to free themselves from his influence-”

“It would be nice if that could be done after the Breach is sealed rather than making sealing it second on the list of priorities for us as well, though, wouldn't it? Investigations and persuading Templars to mass desert may take a while. I'm willing to hope the Enchantress' polite invitation is a legitimate, polite invitation, to a simple meeting where they tell us what we want and we can say yes, no, or negotiate, without having to try and appeal to small individual groups. Also I will give them the benefit of the doubt about it being a trap. People were wrong about me, suspicions about the mages may be just as invalid.” She said the last bit a little more bitterly than she'd meant to, but at least it did end the conversation for a time.


	3. Rising at Redcliffe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Redcliffe, she finds plots that may have a deeply personal cost to her, whether stopped or not.

 Later than she'd have liked, the Inquisition arrived in Redcliffe, though at least the time had been spent as well as could have been, gathering more allies- though there was something distinctly odd about how, as an Ostwick Marcher who'd even been in and out of Kirkwall after the Blight, she was getting along best with an actual Qunari spy.

If any of her siblings were in Redcliffe, they were not out around the main areas of the village, or in the inn. While the issues of the rift outside the gates, and no one whatsoever seeming to have known about Fiona's invitation were distracting, Astera felt a slight, but growing unease.

It didn't get any better upon meeting Fiona and her stating that she'd never even met them in Val Royeaux, and upon seeing and meeting an actual _Tevinter Magister_ who had taken over the southern Free mages- to 'protect' them pushed the unease so much further that she was having to just hope that she was seeming calm and unconcerned, trying to feel him out for what, exactly, he _wanted_. It was a relief- if also a puzzle- that the meeting got interrupted by the sudden collapse of the Magister's son- but she was still keeping her wits enough to palm the paper he'd slipped her neatly.

_Rushing_ immediately to the Chantry was undoubtedly not the best idea, though she didn't dawdle too long- taking only a moment or two to speak with a few who seemed willing to talk, so that the Inquisition party didn't seem too directed in where they were going- they got stared at, of course, but for the most part she didn't feel it was with more malice or suspicion than any villager or apostate-seeking-shelter might give a party made of an elven mage, a Qunari warrior, and a woman who radiated 'Seeker' or at the least 'Templar'. Astera herself barely even got noticed, which was fine by her.

It was a good thing they hadn't moved too slowly either, of course, since upon opening the heavy Chantry doors, what they somehow found, with no one else in the village having found out yet- was a rift open in the building, with a solitary mage attempting to deal with all the demons. Having things she could just _fire at_ for a while was actually something of a relief, even if this was another rift that seemed to twist at least her perceptions of time if not time itself when anyone got caught in the strange, snaky tendrils or pools of fade energy sloughing off it.

**-0-**

Astera didn't relax as the rift was closed. Less distracted by fighting actual demons, that the mage waiting in the Chantry was also Tevinter was something to be suspicious of, though oddly, the self-confident, even possibly patronizing tones and sarcasm made her feel a little more charitable towards him. At least, if he were trying something underhanded, she imagined he'd probably would be trying harder to ingratiate himself.

“Time magic?” she was, still, however, skeptical, or wanted to be, since the idea of it made her spine feel like it had iced over. “ _That's_ what's causing the rift deviations here?”

Astera glanced to Solas, who gave a slight nod, “It would be dangerous enough to toy with that sort of magic even without open tears to the Fade, although some would say such magic is impossible, it at the same time makes sense in terms of what we have seen.”

“Marvelous-” there was a moment where everyone reached for weapons as a door opened, but it proved to be the Magister's son, Felix. That Dorian seemed to fuss so much over him and his own safety nudged him a little more into the 'believable' side of her books, though she tried to remember that they could just be _very good_ agents- it certainly seemed a lot of trouble to go through, for no goal that made sense.

“All right, so- former student, and his son, and you're both against what he's doing- why, other than the whole 'ripping the world further apart' thing?”

“Because what he, and the supremacist cult he's joined, the Venatori, are doing is _wrong,”_ Felix managed to interrupt his friend before the mage said it less diplomatically. “The blood magic, the idea of another huge Tevinter empire- we don't agree with any of it. I love my father, but what he's doing- it's madness, and against everything he _used_ to stand for.”

“All right, so- what do these Venatori want with the mages here, that they'd go through all this trouble?”

“He doesn't want them, the cult he joined wants _you,_ Herald Trevelyan. Everything he's doing is meant to trap you- I don't know _why_. And...” the young man seemed a little hesitant as to how best to bring something up, “Father does have a relative of yours, up in the castle itself. He'd heard the Tranquil's name was Trevelyan, so has been keeping him there under guard instead of sending him away... he looks a lot like you, but with pale blue eyes, maybe in his 20's? I can't get near enough to him to even try talking to him, and haven't heard another name other than Trevelyan.”

That bit of news seemed to be new to the mage called Dorian,. It left Astera speechless for a long moment, made others shift restlessly, and even as the Herald found her tongue again, there was still something like a painful frost in her chest. _Which one? Which one.. Jehrin? Elias? The eyes and age make it sound more like Jehrin, Andraste's tits- there's no way either of them could deserve this, but Maker help me if it's Jehr- didn't he get hurt more than enough when his magic first appeared?_

She remembered the few Tranquil in Haven, and the one at the inn that she'd sent to meet the Inquisition scouts who had arrived a bit before Redcliffe had had its gates shut, and trying to picture either younger brother _like that._ It was as bad in and of itself as the possibility the Magister might bring him up as as a bargaining chip or hostage. Would that have been what happened if Felix hadn't interrupted in the Gull?

“Thank you for the warning- don't risk yourself further trying to get to him. Meanwhile, we will be looking into all of this information at Haven, is there anything else we need to know?” She knew she sounded flat, but- unless there was anything more earthshaking the two Tevinter men absolutely _had_ to add to this conversation- she wanted out, fresh air not smelling of incense or candles, and not many nearby ears in case she did break down swearing or worse.

_Think like a noble, and like a Herald. We know about hostage situations, ransoms, we're taught about them as soon as we learn anything else about our duties._

She hoped she maintained outward calm well enough, not rushing out of the Chantry after their apparent allies acknowledged they didn't really have more other than a repeat of the urgency of the time-alteration matter. She badgered the smuggling lay sister a little more forcefully than necessary, but secured at least ONE non-Tevinter informant in Redcliffe-

“Herald, are you-?”

“Let's finish checking the town over, then we can head back for camp- no sense staying here tonight, the inn's so full. We can talk it over there.” Astera tried to make it as clear as possible she didn't want to discuss a _thing_ about what they'd been told here, while trying to sound as _casual_ as possible in case of listening ears.

On the docks, she nudged Bull and Cass to talk to some people- mages or nobles being watched in a state of boredom by guards standing outside of a building- the only sign they'd seen of even _possibly_ Tevinter forces beyond the Magister himself in town- and she slipped around to another, side door that looked like _maybe_ it was still usable, carefully and quickly oiling the lock and hinges, then picking it open- for a moment it stuck and she thought it might be blocked, but- then it opened at least enough for her to slip in. One brief look at posts, and glowing skulls likethey had encountered elsewhere- and she ducked back out, and gestured for Solas to come in from where he'd been off to a side, not wanting to be part of the distraction.

She didn't understand everything about the book, even what parts even were in the common tongue- but she knew those skulls had always been _wrong_ and now it was apparently clear they were a Venatori thing, if hopefully not a general Tevinter idea, to be using blood magic like this. She had no idea if Solas could read the thing, but- from the look he gave the pages as he leafed through quickly, and glance he gave her, he was understanding some of it.

She also knew the sunburst symbol that was a part of some of the pages, and had something of a guess that once Solas could tell her what they'd just found, she might feel even worse than she already did. _Maker, please do not let those skulls be the Tranquil that were 'sent away'. Not that anyone else's skull would be better necessarily but-_

Neither touched the skulls, and they ducked back out again, not spotted by those still mostly just staring at the Ben-Hassrath- and to a lesser degree, the Seeker.

Now she was perfectly willing to pick up the pace when it came to getting back up the hill, and out of the village gates. Once down the road past guard earshot, she _did_ swear, using every bit of soldier's language she'd ever picked up from the guards or militia back home, and everything picked up between leaving home and joining the Chantry that she had enough breath for, finishing up with, “Andraste's fucking tits- Solas were those mage skulls, or Tranquil ones in that damn shed, do you know?”

“Tranquil, Herald, I am sorry to say, not that any other skulls-”

“Would be better, really. I know, I had that thought myself. Shit. And likely no way to just get in bowshot of that Magister now-”

“ _What?”_ Cassandra had already been watching Astera like she might explode, but now she also seemed ready to.

“Those.. skull on post things. That show those shards, that I really never want to touch again, whatever they find out they're for. Those Tevinters- the _Venatori_ are setting them up, that warehouse was full of them. _Full_ of them. Enchanted skulls, with what looked like their blood magic instruction book- I wish we'd dared set the blighted things on fire. And if they're using blood magic to find those shards- it could be that as much as time magic being used to sway any mages who question what the hell's going on too much, or even that made Fiona forget Val Royeaux, couldn't it be?”

“It is possible,” Solas conceded, and Cassandra and Bull both looked as sour as she felt.

“Maker's breath- that Magister is dangerous, even without his timing- magic or not- being so _good._ They sailed KNOWING something was going to happen here, and if we disregard time magic, the smell of collusion is even stronger. If not behind what happened at the Temple, these Venatori _knew_ something.”

“And if the two in the Chantry were truthful, the Magister is also holding one of your brothers as a possible bargaining tool- that he may have only just not been able to bring up because of that faked moment of illness.” Cassandra was not, apparently, going to let _that_ wait. “It would have been helpful to know you had a mage as a brother who might be here,” and the Seeker was likely right, and yet, Astera bridled.

“I have two mage brothers, and one sister, who _might_ be there, but it's been bad enough when Seanis or others bring up my family ties to the Templars as if either they're afraid those will influence me unduly, or as if they _think they should,_ so I admit, I just didn't want it to be a new discussion or set of accusations. Also, honestly, that Leliana, you, and Cullen didn't realize I had mages in my family by now never occurred to me. Part of my entire disgrace and disagreement with my parents was that they believed I had helped a brother hide his magic to keep him out of the Circle longer.” _And maybe I would have, if given a chance or choice, but I didn't._

She grit her teeth and continued, feeling past stings, “I know enough about the Game, that's why I hate it so bloody much. Being used as a hostage, held for ransom, even before I was Herald it was something anyone in my immediate family had to be wary of, and I have no intention of telling the Inquisition to cave to his demands. Whoever Alexius may have is _not_ going to be part of my arguments or voting when we reach Haven. I'm not happy about it, but the Breach, and what the Venatori may be up to against all of southern Thedas is by far more important than a single person, or even three people.”

Astera thought that at least there was some approval for her managing to seem so cool-headed, and knowing her job, along with sympathy from her companions, but that didn't mean she felt any less empty or bitter, deliberately forcing herself to try thinking _politically_ and getting details from Solas about magic, spirits, and what he thought about the Redcliffe rifts, or pestering Bull with more questions about the Qunari rather than letting herself think too much about family.


	4. Shadows from a Sunburst

“ _You knew he was a mage longer, didn't you- Astera! how could you try and help hide that from us.”_

“ _I didn't know- I really didn't! He just- got it later than Sirana and Elias, I wasn't_ hiding _it and neither was he-”_

“ _We always trusted you to help keep an eye on him, and the others, but if that was your idea of responsibility- letting him sneak around, defying the Chant itself-”_

The dreams and memories were difficult to deal with as she became more certain it _had_ to be Jehrin that was the Tranquil hostage. Not that she _only_ was having thoughts and memories of him, and not that she should have _favorites_ when it came to family, surely, but...

Astera had pretty much taken over when it came to Jehrin and Mira after the twins had been born, despite their parents hiring even more servants for the nursery, all older siblings were _expected_ to help with their younger ones, and with Sirana gone to the Circle so soon, and Whelan being taken aside as heir for special attention almost from the start, she carried that expectation alone until Jehr and Mira themselves were old enough to help too. She felt she'd raised them more than their parents did.

But even when he got older, she always felt more of a kinship with Jehrin, over any of their other siblings. She'd wanted quiet, and away from others, and to not be always looked at and noticed, so had started hanging around their family's servants and spies- bothering the spymaster for lessons, and he'd just followed along and been there too. When she started finding ways to sneak out of the manor grounds entirely, he'd _still_ followed her like he always had. They'd wound up becoming a rather terrible team, with her far better at sneaking, climbing, and yes, picking locks, and him proving better at just plain stealing things like tarts off a kitchen tray, and at making up convincing stories if they were caught.

Their parents started to disapprove, but that just made it more fun, and sometimes more important to sneak out of judgment range and wait til things blew over. And she'd _thought_ as she turned fifteen, that maybe she could convince her parents that she could be a family spy or something, maybe spymaster for Whelan, rather than marrying someone or winding up in the Chantry.

And then Jehrin turned twelve, there was that _incident_ where his magic made itself known, and the Templars came for him. He'd gone quietly, having already seen Sirana and Elias taken, and knowing perfectly well that he had no choice. Also as aware as anyone else in the family was that their parents were quietly terrified of mages, and saw their popping up in the bloodline as a trial from the Maker, regardless of what the Chant itself said, and pretended, at any rate, that he was fine with it.

Because twelve was such a late age, by any past standards, their parents had decided that all their prior mischief and sneaking about together had been part of a plot to keep Jehrin an apostate- and hadn't even let them say goodbye to each other, even said that they couldn't write _letters_ until Jehr had been in a Circle for a year at the least. And it wouldn't be the _Ostwick_ Circle, like with Sirana and Elias before him, the elder Trevelyans wanted it clear that they sought no special treatment for him, that they didn't wish him to have any special treatment as a noble.

Hard for all their children, however, to not read it instead as a way to disown their mages without it being seen as rude by more mage-friendly families around them, and ensure there would never be visits.

Astera left before that year was up, running away after one final family row, and at first couldn't _afford_ to worry about Jehr, or any other siblings further, since she hadn't been quite as ready to be out on her own as she'd thought she was. For a few years she was just surviving, stubbornly seeing to it she never had to go back to or contact Ostwick and beg forgiveness in order to get help. As that had stretched into almost a decade with only maybe letter to or from home, she'd just avoided thinking about him if possible, much less her other siblings, in favor of trying to get on with her own life, defying their parents as much as she dared, not wanting to be outright disowned, (although she sometimes didn't know why she cared about that).

_And now apparently, Jehrin is Tranquil. What could he have possibly_ done _? Will he even recognize me if everything works out and he's still alive when this is over?_

There hadn't been time to really.. well.. try and find out more about Tranquil, just the rush to Haven, and now a trip back to Redcliffe, that she tried to not feel guilty about.

_It is not because of him. It really isn't. Or the hope or worry that others are there. I chose this action because I believe Dorian and Felix's claims about the time magic and the cult's goals._

_That time magic is dangerous- Solas agreed fully it was going to make everything worse, faster, and I don't think the Templars would help us against Alexius short of trying to slaughter_ everyone _in Redcliffe, based on Val Royeaux. I don't want piles of dead mages and civilians because Lucius wants his victory against the Free Mages more than he really cares about Tevinter scheming. Leliana remembering the back route made this the best option, I didn't let my feelings color this._

It was a gamble, but so would be walking into the Templar fortress, and leaving an upset Alexius behind them with unstable time magic, even if Lucius wasn't up to something against the Inquisition himself.

Now, if she could just get a little actual, decent _sleep_ when stopping for the night, so that she wasn't exhausted when she walked into the castle to be the big shiny decoy.


	5. The Worse Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having found Cassandra and the Iron Bull alive, Astera leads them and Dorian to try and get to Alexius and his pendant- there's just one, seemingly impossible problem that is far harder for the Herald to deal with than endless demons and Venatori.

It had once been another guard room, though now there was a rift open in it, a few shades gliding restlessly back and forth, completely ignoring the man sitting in a torn up chair, reading a book. He looked up, even as the wave of weak demons rushed them and let the book drop, Astera was- a little too distracted and almost missed her shot entirely. There was no way of mistaking who it was, only just standing up, a sunburst brand on his head and his expression blankly curious. He looked entirely too _Trevelyan_ in general, and despite being so much older, still specifically like-

“ _Jehrin_?!”

She realized a bit late that Bull and Cassandra were still rushing him- only her and Dorian paused- though in part Dorian was dispelling one of the new demons trying to get through. Before she could shout anything like 'stop' her brother's calm face became an angry snarl and the air around him shimmered into a shield. Beside her, she heard Dorian swear- or at least, probably swear- but she was frozen in shock as the Seeker tried dispelling Jehrin's magical protections. The demons were up, and everything was focused on Cassandra, which at least meant Bull- and then Dorian could work on them.

“ _Herald_ \- wake _up_ ,” the Tevinter also could take the time to move in and grab her by a shoulder and give her a sharp shake.

“But- he- Maker's breath, _how_?” but she managed to shake herself enough to weaken the fade rift and the demons with the anchor, before notching another arrow to help deal with the demons- not quite able to aim for her brother. Yet.

Jehrin was completely focused on Cassandra, and still looked enraged rather than calm, the air around him crackled and weapons and armor sparked angrily. He had shields up again, and was actually blocking the Seeker's blows with a sword made of what looked like pure magic, and it wasn't just sparks around him as the fight intensified, but random arcs of red-tinged lightning, making up for the fact Cassandra's attacks, and his savage melee counters were keeping him from having time for other spells.

The Seeker dispelled his magic again, but it was clear that this Jehrin was very used to fighting Templars- he dodged or ducked back, shielding himself again, and calling down a stronger strike of lightning while Cassandra tried to physically beat down his protections again.

Astera began to attack him, to help wear down those shields and even hoping to distract him, since when he did get cast actual spells beyond using his blade, his lightning was strong enough to paralyze both warriors, holding them in a crackling field until Dorian dispelled it.

Which finally got his attention off Cassandra, at least a little, forcing the Tevinter mage to shield himself and the archer beside him as Jehrin rushed them, bringing more of his own personal storm along.

Astera felt the slam of that magic sword against shields, and met Jehrin's eyes directly. They were still a pale blue-grey, no reddish tinge, no glow or other signs one at least might _imagine_ a possessed mage might have of the demon inside them. The only thing in them was absolute fury- and then a shock of recognition, even as the Seeker tried to get him to engage with her again, smashing into him with her shield and uttering a war cry.

“ _Astera?!”_ his calling her by name, would have been bad enough without a tone that sounded like he felt she was betraying him. “You side with _Templars-”_

She wanted to try and tell him to surrender, to stop, or just- anything, but considering the painful shock of electricity that went through her, knocking her on her ass, all she could manage was a “OhshitJehr _no_ -” and to roll aside and to her feet again as fast as she could, afraid he'd try and finish her off.

Instead, he did switch back to Cassandra, unable to ignore her as she dispelled his shields, and then as he summoned them back up- _Dorian_ dispelled them again, meaning the Seeker finally did real damage with shield blow and sword strike.

_It isn't really him._ _Abomination, Venatori mage. Not Jehrin._

Bull meanwhile was in trouble, having been keeping the two remaining demons busy. Astera switched to helping him finish them off in relief, and after they were down, used the anchor to shut the rift permanently, even as the Qunari charged into the remaining fight. With all four of them attacking him, no more demons to distract, and both Cassandra and Dorian able to stop his powerful spells or destroy his shields, there was no way he could win.

Trying to not think about it, Astera studded her younger brother with poisoned arrows, eyes blurring as his shields went down that final time so she could- into a shoulder, and then into his throat, even as both warriors tore into him.

She looked away sharply, close enough to get splashed with some of his blood from off of swinging swords, breathing heavily and wiping sweat and tears from her eyes. For several moments, there was silence, other than everyone catching their breath, wiping off and sheathing weapons.

“That was.. very unexpected from a Tranquil... I am sorry Herald, but remember- we get back, he should be fine _,”_ Dorian laid a hand on her shoulder again, this time in sympathy rather than to shake her into action. It still allowed her to swallow some of her bile and feelings, and shake herself inot being able to respond.

“Still won't be _fine_.. but at least not possessed. But I didn't think Tranquil _could_ be possessed, isn't that why-”

“This is no time to discuss it,” Cassandra cut in, looking haunted, hard, and eager to leave the room, “I am- sorry, Herald, that he was here to face, but we must hurry and find Leliana, as well as reach Alexius.”

“Right,” she swallowed again, no one had yet checked his body, and Astera forced herself to move forward. She pushed past both the Seeker and Bull, crouching down to check- no red crystal for that damned door, apparently he wasn't _trusted_ by the Magister. She closed the staring blue eyes, and stood, rubbing her hand against the leg of her pants as if trying to clean it.

“Let's go,” Astera said it abruptly, leaving the torn body behind her without looking at it again. There was no _way_ she could look at him again.

_I'm sorry Jehr, I'm so sorry. Maker take this future and stick it right up his own ass._ _Andraste don't make me have to kill him in my own time too- don't let him be possessed somewhere there-_ _Alexius I swear I am going to_ kill _you._

She ground her teeth and led the way down the halls, trying to find the way to the upper levels- knowing they still needed two more of those damned red gems.

**-0-**

But she couldn't let what Jehrin had done, and the impossibility of it rest, as they moved through twisted, lyrium-blighted corridors.

“Cassandra, Iron Bull, both of you knew he could- do magic- you attacked him even though he had the mark- not just the demons. _How_ did he have magic, and emotions? Was it really him or a- demon I didn't think they possessed Tranquil-” _He didn’t even see me, or anyone else, he only wanted to kill you, in your Seeker armor that we recovered- because he- or whatever was in him- hated Templars so much?_

“He killed many Seekers, Herald, and Templars,” Cassandra's voice was short, “Whatever he once was like, he was a madman, touched by demons, and a servant of the Elder One. Do not ask for more details that you do not want to hear. There is no _time_ for details, we must all focus on the task at hand.”

Bull just grunted, and Astera had to remind herself again, she was not in a time or situation that ever should have existed, and that she had no idea what any of them had been through- other than having literally found Leliana in a torture chamber, and having picked up something about Blight experiments in a journal she deeply regretted having looked at-

They were right, all three of them, she had to focus so that this didn't happen, although she knew Leliana's angry retort earlier to Dorian about how nothing would make this have not happened ever was going to haunt her, both for the sake of her three allies who somehow had survived a year of torture, and for whatever had happened to- and by the hand of- her brother here.

Astera muttered another curse, and started setting the crystal keys into their sockets, trying to focus- trying to forget the _pointless_ regret and just have enough anger to sharpen herself for the fight ahead, rather than be dulled by useless rage or grief. She couldn't afford distraction against the Magister.


	6. Surrenders and Alliances

Everything hurt, as she staggered and tried to get her footing on the other side of the time rift, and her stomach was twisting unpleasantly. But Astera still had her bow in hand, and an arrow, which she had notched and drawn, and aimed at the Magister's throat, _ready_ to release it- why she didn't, she wasn't sure, maybe because Felix was right there beside him, having only just been trying to prevent violence between his father and the Inquisition before the amulet had been used.

“It's _over_ Alexius,” Dorian was beside her, and the others got over their own startlement.

“You're right, it is.” Alexius slumped, “There is no point in going further with this, I have failed, and Felix will die- I surrender, for all that it matters.”

For a few moments she stared at the surrendering Magister- wanting to kill him _anyway_ for what he'd put her, had put everyone through. What he was _willing_ to unleash on the entire world, but finally took a breath, and lowered her bow.

“Fine, your surrender is accepted,” Astera was vaguely aware of Dorian giving her something of a surprised, but relieved look- and of course Felix looked grateful, even if since he had no _idea_ he didn't look nearly as surprised. “Where is my brother, and do you have any _other_ relatives of mine hidden away?”

For a moment she almost thought the broken Magister was going to give a.. foolish answer, but he shook his head, “There was only one Trevelyan that I had found here in Redcliffe- such as he is. He is in one of the lower cells, and is as fine as a broken mage can be.”

“Unlike all the others you killed for their skulls?” she felt that ' _such as he is_ ' burning through her brain like a sputtering fuse, and managed to snuff it out. Not the most foolish way to answer, but it certainly kept her on the knife edge, as did his reply to her accusation. That Dorian and Felix both looked like this was an unpleasant revelation helped sooth her a little, though, she'd been half afraid they'd _known_.

“Death is a _mercy_ for those made Tranquil, Herald.”

She remembered the more-dead than alive, silent, skeletal, blank-eyed creature that had been the man's own son, what he'd _accepted_ as better than death for Felix, and refused to answer him on that- which was just as well, since a commotion heralded the arrival of the royalty of Ferelden, and rightful Arl of Redcliffe, come to deal with the Free mages, since the Magister was now firmly under Inquisition arrest, and in mage restraints.

Astera sighed, as Fiona fretted about where the mages could possibly go. Another bit of business needing to be dealt with, more important than just racing down to find her brother.

“We stopped this plot for you, but have to close the Breach still- we _need_ your best mages. And the rest of your people can also come, if you are willing to be allies of the Inquisition.”

“Do you really mean _ally_ -”

Astera bit back some even less diplomatic language than what came out, though later she knew she'd spoken badly enough, “ _Yes,_ I mean as allies. I am not about to be the figurehead or Commander or guard for some new Circle. We only brought shackles enough for the one Magister, for a start. I will say you at least _owe_ us for getting you out of a Venatori plot to literally use you all, even against your will with blood magic, to try and rebuild the old Tevinter empire- And for that debt all I claim _is help closing the Breach_ , after that, if you don't want to ally with us, well, I wish you luck figuring something else out, suggest you pay more attention to where people under your supposed care and protection might be _vanishing_ to, and wouldn't suggest anything that involves Tevinter.”

“Also, I'm taking over guardianship of my brother Jehrin, and if they're somewhere in Redcliffe, I wish to talk to Elias and Sirana Trevelyan, to see if they will feel safer with you or the Inquisition, since being related to me is likely going to put them at risk by others like Alexius. Beyond that? If you agree to be our allies, your people will be held as equals and accountable for their actions like any other group claiming alliance to make it a lasting one. Once there is time for something other than just closing a tear in the sky, I personally at least will back you as much as I can when it comes to changing things in a reasonable manner for mages.”

The Enchantress seemed like she wasn't sure either how much truth Astera was speaking, whether she wanted to be angry or guilty over the verbal slap over the plight of the Tranquil, or how much the actual Inquisition would back the Herald's alliance offer. But also, in the end, somewhat beaten, glancing to the King and Queen of Ferelden who were observing, with no signs of backing down on their demands the mages be out of Redcliffe _immediately_. What better offer _would_ the Free mages have?

“Very well, Herald, we accept, and thank you.”

Cassandra and Bull looked less than pleased, but Astera was still too raw- and also too exhausted- to want to take them aside and discuss it or argue it- since neither were trying to interfere, at least. With things at least set in motion here- and with permission from the Arl, she went herself with the group to see who all the Magister had thrown into cells rather than just throwing out of Redcliffe or sacrificing. There were a handful of surviving Tranquil, along with others- including, of course- Jehrin.


	7. the Hanged Man's Cell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astera is reunited with another brother who doesn't seem happy to see her- although with him, it's not really a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter title refers to the Tarot Card that'd be associated with Jehrin at the moment, because I jumped on that bandwagon.](http://vulpustumultum.tumblr.com/post/119310663067/jehrin-trevalyens-card-the-hanged-man-mostly-him)  
>    
> [This link goes to screenshot of Jehrin as created in game. ](http://bakafox.com/dastuff/jehri%20trevalyen.jpg)

Unlike in that terrible future, he actually noticed her and ignored the armored soldiers who had escorted her, though it was certainly hard to say immediately if he _recognized_ Astera. She also could, well, get a better look at him. Other than the neutral, blank, expression, he did look.. well. Neat robes, no visible injuries at least, maybe a little thin and tired. He had a tattoo on his chin, vertical blue lines almost like a Rivaini thing more than Marcher, which seemed odd for having been in a Circle somehow- she couldn't recall other Circle mages having visible tattoos, well, ever, that she'd seen.

 _Even if he doesn't know who I am, to actually see him alive after_ that _is such a relief. I can't believe that he really would be better off_ dead _than he is now. Even if at the same time I would happily kill everyone involved in doing this to him- Andraste, Maker, you cannot really_ want _this- what did he_ do? _What could he possibly have done? How long has he been like this?_

At least Bull was- well, seeing to it there was some semblance of space and privacy, while Cassandra handled anything else upstairs- as she finally got words together. Jehrin meanwhile just kept waiting, seemingly ready to do so indefinitely.

“Jehrin? Do you remember me- or recognize me?”

He looked at her, a little more carefully- there was only the barest flicker of something like realization, “Astera- you have changed, it has been a long time.”

She had no idea if she felt better, or worse that he did. “..Yes, it has been, Jehrin. I'm- sorry. I'm not sure what to say-”

He just waited, and it was unnerving. She couldn't help but remember he had actual _expressions_ there in the future- even if they had all been ones of absolute rage or hatred- she almost might have preferred that now. She sighed.

“Come on, Jehr, I'm taking you out of here.”

“Am I supposed to? You are not with the mages or- anyone else.”

“I'm with a new group, Jehrin, the Inquisition, and yes, you are supposed to come with me. You're not going to be in a Circle, whatever else happens, and that is going to be _fine_. I'm going to keep an eye on you. Take care of you, with some help from friends.” _Was that relief at not being in a circle? Or just my imagination?_

“You're certain this will not cause trouble for you? The Chantry says we still belong in Circles, the Templars may go back-”

“The Chantry can fuck itself, Jehr, and I _will_ put an arrow in a Templar's eye if one complains too much. Come on, it's a fairly long trip to where we'll be living now. You are _not_ going back into a Circle, and neither are Sirana or Elias if I can find them.”

“I remember them. We are still the only mages in the family?”

“Yeah, Jehr. You were the last to wind up with magic.”

“That is fortunate,” though still in that flat voice, with no emotion to the statement, that he even thought of it that way made Astera's throat and chest tighten. Without thinking, she moved in to hug him.

But as she closed in and first touched him, his body twitched away, then froze up, tense and straight. She lowered her arms immediately and took a step back. Despite the calm look still on his face, something about that reaction twisted a knife into her. But it _had_ been over a decade, and now he was Tranquil- perhaps... none of them liked contact.

“Jehr? Are you ok? I'm sorry if that bothered you.”

He stared at her for a moment, then, “I was not expecting that- but it is fine if you feel the need, Astera.”

She swallowed, and then leaned in and hugged him fiercely- because she _did_ feel like she needed to, and just hoped that he really was fine with it- he didn't flinch away this time, though he also didn't really react in any other way, just standing there quietly, almost awkwardly. Finally she pulled away, but did keep an arm around his shoulder, part of her irrationally worried he'd vanish again. “Thank you, Jehr, now let's get out of here.”

Haven at this point certainly felt enough like home that she couldn't wait to get back there- and after the Breach- she wanted to actually have time and help finding _answers_. About Jehrin, about the others. And about what the hell she had seen and experienced in the future, regarding her brother as much as any of the rest of it. Which at least, Dorian might be just as curious about still if no one else was- if he hadn't been _possessed_ , then how had Jehrin been no longer Tranquil?


	8. Bitter Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astera Trevelyan returns to Haven, and finds herself having to face her Templar brother's troubling beliefs and bitter feelings.

A few days for the mages- and everyone else- to prepare for the attempt at sealing the Breach. She had been able to try and talk to Jehrin more on the road, now he spent a part of his first day in Haven helping with research with the other Tranquil already at Haven- he  _needed_ to be kept busy, and did state that himself- though Astera still felt distracted when he was out of her sight. He now had a bed in the cottage that was hers- as much as it was hard to tell what exactly passed for  _happy_ , Jehrin seemed to prefer that to being with other mages or Tranquil as a place to sleep, or even do some of his work when it didn't require supervision beyond either Minaeve or Astera herself checking in to make sure he actually took breaks to eat, maybe switch what he was looking into for a bit. 

At least during the war council meeting, even if there was no news yet, Leliana had said that Fiona had agreed that she would have some of her people try and find out whatever they could, by asking around, or in what records they had, about Sirana and Elias- while Leliana herself had contacts also trying to find what records might remain available from Circles. Though Astera didn't push now, she did have a growing certainty that  _some day_ she wanted to be able to help others find out what happened as best as possible to vanished mage relatives when possible. 

Right now, she was having to deal with enough backlash just from her alliance offer to Fiona- though not as much as she had expected from any of her fellow Council. Even Cassandra, if she still had serious reservations, was keeping quiet, and Cullen had even quietly admitted that the mages deserved a chance to try and prove themselves, though it was clear both felt far more ties to the Templars yet.

Some of those who had joined the Inquisition because of Astera herself seemed far more dubious- mostly the non-mages openly questioned her decision, though none of the warriors or even Sera made her irritated quite like Vivienne did. Whether or not her idea to have some troops quietly trained by Cullen to deal with abominations was a good idea- which it possibly was- the woman practically worshiped the idea of Circles as a way to 'protect people' more than she seemed to revere Andraste or the Maker themselves. Especially for someone who had begun to freeze a drunken loudmouth with ice spells just for  _being_ a drunken loudmouth.

Seeing Seanis speaking quietly but intently with Vivienne when she'd come out of the war room quite honestly gave Astera an immediate headache. It was late in the afternoon, and she hadn't yet had to deal with her younger Templar brother since returning- and didn't really want to now. Maybe he'd ignore her if she went past. Maybe Viv would ice  _him_ for being an obnoxious twit who spoke without thinking. 

_Not likely_ . 

She always felt a little guilty at, well, playing favorites with her siblings, but it was true that she never got along as well with some of them compared to others even when they were children. And while actually as a child, Seanis had been another she felt closer to, now that they had been living their own lives so long, she didn't want to deal with him.

_Would Jehrin be making me so irritated if he wasn't Tranquil? Not that I want him going off after Lucius, and I know Leliana has an eye on him, in case he's spying- but why hasn't he just left, since we're so heretical and he thinks both Cullen and Cassandra aren't nearly Templar enough to suit him. The only thing_ nice _I can say about him is he didn't really fully believe I'd caused the explosion- if I'd been a mage though, he would have been the first to try killing me even if I were unconscious._

And of course, he was excusing himself from his conversation with Vivienne to confront her as she tried to just walk past. Astera managed to not swear.

“Herald-” his tone was only very barely coldly polite rather than sarcastic.

“Come with me, Ser Trevelyan, if you do not mind.” he scowled a little, but did follow her through the side door to the lower hallways of the Chantry.

“Why are we down _here_?”

“Because, Seanis, I have this Heraldic gift of prophecy that tells me you were about to start a conversation neither of us is going to necessarily want a lot of spectators to. I suspect you are going to complain to me about my handling of the mages, or something similar. And Trevelyans aren't supposed to have family disagreements in _public_.”

“This isn't merely a family argument- it's a matter of _Chantry Teaching._ Mages are dangerous- they need a firm guardianship over them. If you give them one inch-”

“How long were you stationed at a Circle, even? I have to admit I'm curious now.”

“I _saw_ the Kirkwall Circle and what was left of the Chantry- even if I hadn't yet been placed there, or in any other permanent position. I saw what the mages _did_ there as part of the investigation.”

“Seanis, you were there to guard the investigators, and look angry. You don't know any more about it than I do, maybe even less.”

“How would you know _more_?”

“I was in and around Kirkwall a time or two, before the explosion, when everything was just leading up to it, for a start. Andraste's ass, even when 'blood mages stalked everywhere' you were more likely to take a knife in the gut or kidnapped by slavers than be ripped up by a demon.”

“While you were having fun playing at common mercenary or bandit? The family _knows_ you're soft about mages, it's why you even _left_. You wouldn't have gone to Redcliffe if your favorite little brother hadn't been there. The one who started you along to wreck your life, threaten the family name, and commit heresy?”

“Wait- do you think they had him as a kind of bargaining chip, and I just agreed to their being allies for him? Really?”

“Well you abandoned duties before because of him before-”

“Which _duties_ did I leave because of _him_? Just because our parents decided that we had been conspiring to hide his magic behind everyone's backs doesn't mean they were _right._ The only 'duty' I ever 'shirked' was their plans for my life to become that of a Chantry Sister as punishment for something I didn't even _do-_ maybe mixed with their frustration that I had no interest in being married off _._ ”

“You _ran_ rather than join the Chantry-”

“Of course I did, you sod- up til then, I'd always figured my duties were helping the family at home, maybe someday being spymaster for Whelan when he took over. Funny how I ended up joining it as a lay sister later to try making peace with the family that clearly thinks so little of me. And what do I get for giving in, even though I've no vocation for it still? Oh, look, I'm Herald of Andraste, trying to stop the veil being torn completely apart, and suddenly reunited with two little brothers I haven't seen in nearly 13 years. One who wants to think the worst of me and every decision I've made based on family gossip, and the other was _tortured,_ turned Tranquil, and possibly further abused after that.”

“Vocation or not, it _was_ your duty when it was decided- and if he was made Tranquil, that was _punishment_. He must have turned to blood magic, and you know it.”

“Blight it all, is some of why you hate me so much just that I took my chance to run from what I didn't want, and you didn't have even that chance, because you were only 10 when they officially packed you off? Though you could have left before actually making Templar-”

“To be a disowned thug, who coddles apostates, even obvious blood mages, and goes around trying to destroy the Chantry and what it stands for?”

“...What _obvious_ blood- you mean Jehrin? _Our brother?_ The one who is only two years older than you? Who used to share a room with you and help you with studying when tutors weren't paying attention enough?”

“The _mage_ who earned his punishment, and likely should have just been killed. Hardly my brother anymore, and shouldn't be seen as yours either-”

“You have _no idea_ what he did or didn't do.” _Shaking him or swearing at him will do no good at all. Jehrin's at least still more like... I remember him in terms of not being a hateful arse. If Seanis is the picture of fine Templarhood, Circles must have had no air in them at all for anyone to breathe-_

“And you do? Who told you, _him_?”

“Jehrin hasn't told me much, conversations aren't exactly easy with him. But I've listened to more than stories where Templars were all honorable saviors while traveling as a common merc, I've worked alongside apostates, been healed up by them. I was in Kirkwall briefly after the Qunari destruction, I saw Meredith running the city, and ordinary people being terrified by her as much as by the idea of blood magic. Then I wound up in the bloody Chantry itself, as a lay sister, and I heard more. Things that made me _want_ to be at the Conclave and volunteered to come and sweep floors, do laundry, and be a minor secretary and messenger.”

“I _wanted_ to think it was just one Circle that was rotten,” she continued, ”But in the years since that Kirkwall job and _now? I can't just look at a brand or scars on some mage or Tranquil and assume they were 'deserved' punishment_. Punishment wasn't even what it was supposed to be _for._.”

She saw him start to say something and ran right over the pause, feeling furious, “The way _you_ talk about Tranquil, for fuck's sake, Seanis, it sounds like you think they need more punishment and suffering after the rite, do you even realize how that sounds, even aside from that being _against the Chantry rules_? Jehrin passed his Harrowing, Seanis, that much I was told. You are aware, as a Templar, that it's _illegal_ to make a mage who passes that Tranquil, by the very bloody Chantry laws you're saying I threaten? I don't believe the mark on my hand is directly from Andraste or the Maker, because that's not how they work- but maybe my being here, and whatever it was that happened was set up for some reason, and finding Jehr like he is also wasn't just chance- since _if_ I can close that damn Breach, maybe I can do more after.”

“Like free mages? 'Cure' the Tranquil, so they can go back to being dangers to everyone?” he said it sarcastically, but she just smiled, feeling more like she was baring her teeth in a growl at the world.

“Maybe even see to it that the Chantry ensures that any children sent off to them actually feel they have a choice rather than become a bitter Sister or Templar. All of you left quietly, but did any of you _want_ to? If they'd waited til you were all sixteen rather than shipping you off at ten, would you have run off too? And then you're older, and it's either go along with it still, or go out into a world you don't know enough about to really get by in anymore, with no money, no family aid, isn't it? So you listen to the bullshit that makes you feel powerful, needed, and become what sounds like a savage bully.”

“..You're delusional. You really do want to destroy the Chant-”

“There's a difference between the Chant and the Chantry. The Chantry has Revered Mothers training spies, planting blackmail, and talking about mages and Templars both like they're just _tools_ before they're people, and don't even get me started on what I saw the half year I was helping in an alienage or why I got reassigned so fast back to a rather distant cloister. The _Chantry_ is just another bloody Court, with its own version of the Game, Seanis. That's what I've _seen_ , especially in the last three years, and what I see now when they want me in chains, simply so they can concentrate on elections. The _only_ reason I'm a threat is that unless they have some ass warming that damn throne, they can't even form a committee and cooperate to get their flock through a disaster that could _rip the veil apart completely_. They need someone they can blame, so they can pretend they're blame _less.”_

“And whatever your feelings about being a Templar- you and most of your fellows haven't been actually protecting _anyone_. You whine about being kenneled, and needing to hunt or punish mages, ignoring hundreds, thousands of demons running loose, because they aren't what you think of as your job. None of your officers seem to even consider the idea of detachments in villages or cities, watching for possessions or attacks, except for those of you who joined the Inquisition and follow Cullen. The rest of you are just standing around, waiting for a 'real' Templar leader to save your _pride._ No one's trying to actively kill or maim you for existing, you're safe and sound in your forts or cloisters, fully trained warriors deliberately refusing to fight a new enemy that's threatening _common_ people _._ The last I saw the Lord Seeker, he was calling the Breach an 'unworthy' problem, ranting about how he had a Grand Destiny, and had one of his lieutenants _beat_ a Revered Mother as she was making a speech.” 

“ _That_ is why I went to the mages when given a polite invitation for peace talks, and helped them when it was clear they needed and wanted it.  If you ever want to know what I saw, and went through, between going to Val Royeaux and coming back with our brother and the first of those mages, I'll tell you sometime when that Breach is closed. Until then, just... shut up, listen, and help- or shut up and keep being useless- but no more trying to corner me just to disapprove and insult me,” Astera was finally running low on anger, out of breath, and suddenly just feeling _done_. 

“I still love you, little brother, Maker help me, I want to feel like I still have a family- but I'm tired of never hearing one nice thing from another Trevelyan unless they either want something out of me, or have literally been stripped of ability to want  _ anything _ . Jehrin's been the first Trevelyan 'happy' to see me in a decade, and he  _ literally cannot be happy anymore. _ ” Astera wasn't really gratified by how he'd actually taken a step back and looked disturbed rather than like he simply had a stick up his ass. Whether from her actual views, or because he just hadn't intended to make her go off like that, or both- it didn't matter. Feeling isolated from the family had seldom bothered her, except- times like now, when there was family  _right there in front of her_ to remind her of how she'd been closed out.

She brushed past him, and headed back up the stairs to the main level of the Chantry, carefully schooling her expression. He didn't say anything, but she heard him clanking along behind her after a moment, but it wasn't like she expected an apology- that he wasn't saying anything else was about as much a 'win' as she could have hoped for.

 


	9. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald isn't entirely sure things will go exactly as planned closing the Breach, and after the argument with one brother, she's even more worried about- and determined to do right by her other one.

She spent the next afternoon practicing her archery- a little against targets, and then more usefully, on nugs and rams around Haven, with a few of the off duty soldiers or scouts helping butcher them to take the meat and leather to the proper destinations. Not that nug was the tastiest creature, but at a distance, their size and movement patterns made them good practice. Plus, _any_ extra food was useful, especially since there were now those mages who'd come ahead to help with the Breach tomorrow.

It was actually growing dark, very quickly so, when she approached Haven after her hunting. If any of her helpers had noticed any freezing tears or frustrated expressions while she tried dealing with her emotions via her bow, no one commented. But then, most were still not overly keen on ever looking straight at her face, always bowing, bobbing, being nervous, saluting.

She wanted _some_ faith in something. For all she'd said to Seanis below the Chantry, she wasn't sure she believed a Maker existed, or if he did, that he _deserved_ any worship or thought from her, or anyone else. And she wanted more faith in people- but she didn't even have it that a single other member of their family would do anything but sneer and say he _must_ have deserved it if they saw Jehr's scars.

Astera had kept him fairly permanently in her sight on the trip to Haven, quietly telling him about the Inquisition, and how she'd wound up Herald- so much as she remembered. Trying to ask him about what he'd been through- getting bits, pieces, but also a great deal of ' _It serves no purpose to talk about it.'_

And by dint of sharing tent or room at a tavern, and of course now at the cottage, she'd seen the scars as he changed clothes for the night or the day. Astera had battle scars, here and there, but Jehrin's weren't from fights. Floggings, yes. Pale bits of scar on wrists from being rubbed raw in some kind of restraint, maybe, like she'd seen on escaped slaves out of Tevinter, or some bandits who'd been in dungeons at a point or another.

 _And why, for_ what _? He says he was_ disobedient _but also said he was not a blood mage. Won't go into details about the disobedience, or anything else, but for what ever reason, he wanted it clear he'd never been a blood mage. Minaeve says they do have free will, in a way, she thinks he knows it will distress me, and since distressing me will serve no good, he won't._

She wound up at the tavern, but only to get a bottle to leave it with, in no mood for the hopeful buzz of others there- though _all_ of Haven was still buzzing, even in the dark. Solas believed she'd survive the closing attempt, especially if it worked. But if something went _wrong_...

She swerved suddenly, heading for the Chantry again, it still wasn't overly late, so perhaps the person she suddenly wanted to talk to was there.

Josephine _was_ still at her desk, though looking like she was getting to the end of her productivity, she also wasn't alone, Leliana was there, speaking quietly with her and going over some papers. Both looked up, startled to see the Herald wander in with a wine bottle still in hand and an unhappy expression on her face.

“Herald, is there something wrong?” Montilyet was the first to ask, rising from her seat in worry.

Astera sighed, “Hopefully not. I have a request to make of you- of you both, really, it's just as well you're together. Both of you were more on the side of mages being given a chance, and-” she rubbed at the bridge of her nose tiredly- “Leliana, I do not know if you are planning to be there at the Breach itself tomorrow, but Josephine, I am hoping you weren't planning on watching from a front row seat.”

“I certainly was not planning to be, I am quite content to stay at a distance from the temple's remains, as I would serve no purpose there.”

“I also may not actually be there,” Leliana was still a little difficult for Astera to want to make eye contact with since Redcliffe and her 'adventure' with Dorian, “Especially if you have a good reason to not wish me there, since I also have no abilities that are really useful.”

“Solas is as certain as he can be that we can close it, and that I'll survive, since I'm not bearing all the weight, as it were, but, just in case, you two are the ones I hoped I could ask for a _personal_ favor if something goes wrong.”

Josephine had a sudden look of understanding, “It is about your brother? The one from Redcliffe?” she hadn't encountered Jehrin personally yet, busy with her work as he had quickly become with _his._

“Yes,” Astera let out a breath, “I- am not sure what can be _done_ for him, but I promised him he would never have to go back into an actual Circle, that I'd see to it he was looked after and kept busy. Looked after _properly_. If I die sealing the Breach- I would like to ask that the two of you make arrangements for him. He may even be as useful to you as to magic research, and I suspect he'd be as... satisfied... filing reports or taking dictation as doing any of what he does now,” she managed a slight, almost smile, “Before he was a mage, he used to hang around when I was badgering our family's spymaster and agents into teaching me things. But- yes, at any rate, I would like to ask that of you, if you are willing. And if _nothing_ goes as it should, well, provided the crater isn't more extensive, just, also that he's looked after as best as _can_ be still. And it really is a _personal_ request, not official. You can refuse-”

“I will _gladly_ do all I can should things go wrong tomorrow, Herald,” Josephine cut in firmly, moving to actually hug her around her shoulders, “Though I pray for full success, and am quite optimistic about it. And even if things _do_ go well- you will have to spend much time away still I am sure, at times. We can still arrange it that at times he perhaps can aid me, if he would be pleased to do such things, so that I can help ease your mind.”

Leliana came in closer as well, and joined Josephine by the Herald, though she only clasped Astera's hand, “I will help as well, should it come to that. Also with Josephine if and when you are away afterward should everything go as it should.”

“You seem to think everyone expects you to have no personal concerns,” Josephine went on, “But I, for one, am comforted that you do have those you care about personally, Herald. And I am honored that you thought of me as someone to ask.”

Astera flushed, “Thank you, both of you. I- feel much better knowing this. And- unless there is anything _you_ need of me, I should go and check on him... and also get some sleep now that I can rest easier.”

“I believe there is no other business from the diplomatic end of things that cannot wait until after you _succeed_ tomorrow, Herald Trevelyan. And that also goes for myself as well, yes,” Josephine added, with an amused, exasperated glance to the redheaded Spymaster, “And hopefully for you as well, it will be a very long day tomorrow between the sealing and the celebration likely to follow.”

Her very deliberate optimism made Astera feel even more awkward, and rather embarrassed about her anxiety, but did also rather soothe her nerves. She said goodbyes again, and slipped away to go and see if Jehrin was at home like he should be, and make sure he didn't push himself too late over some books or papers.  


End file.
